Mostanaban biztos eszrevettek azok, akik ismernek, hogy magamhoz kepest eleg nagy darab vagyok. Tobben is olyasmivel gyanusitanak, hogy terhes vagyok, de sajnos nem ez tortent, csak egyszeruen elertem eletem azon szakaszaba, amikor nagyon konnyen feljonnek ram a kilok. Ez a bejegyzes nem a divatrol fog szolni, hanem arrol, milyen fontos az onbecsules, es milyen rossz erzes az, ha masok a negativ dolgokat jegyzik meg rajtad eloszor, nem pedig a pozitivat.
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I'm sure those who know me have realized that lately I gained a lot of weight. More of the people I know were 'accusing me' of being pregnant, but unfortunately this is not what happened, I just simply reached the age when the pounds are just running up on me. This post won't be about fashion but about the importance of self confidence, and about how bad it feels when somebody makes a comment about your negative changes and not the positives.
Eletem soran nagyon sokszor volt sulyproblemam: egeszen olyan 9-10 eves koromtol kezdve csufoltak az iskolaban, lekovereztek, folyton szivattak es hat az ilyesmi nem esik jol az embernek. Akkoriban azonban nagyon nem szerettem mozogni, ugyhogy csokiba meg mindenfele edessegekbe folytottam a banatom. Nap kozben nem szerettem, ha lattak enni, ugyhogy 'zugevo' voltam nagyon sokaig. Szerintem semelyik pulya nem erdemli meg, hogy kinezzek maguknak mas gyerekek, es megkeseritsek az eletet, mert ez lelkileg bazira meg tudja viselni az embert. Termeszetesen mostmar ugy erzem, tobbet ertem el az eletben, mint azok, akik zaklattak akkoriban, de meg mindig nehez elfogadnom, hogy a testem nem mindig olyan, mint amilyennek szeretnem.
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During my whole life I had a lot of problems with my weight: ever since I was 9 or 10, the other kids were bullying me at school for being fat, they were always trying to piss me off, and of course that doesn't make anybody feel good. At that time I didn't like to work out, so I started eating enormous amounts of chocolate and sweets to feel better. During the day I hated if someone saw me eat, so I ate secretly, during the night for a very long time. I think no kid deserves to be treated that way, it makes them bitter and has an effect on their whole life. Of course now I know that I achieved a lot more in life than those who bullied me, but it's still hard for me to accept not having the body I want.
14-15 eves korom korul egyik nyaron megbetegedtem, es eldontottem, hogy mivel amugy sem nagyon volt etvagyam, majd csak annyit eszek, hogy eletben maradjak. Es BUMM, 2 het alatt majdnem 10 kilot fogytam, igy lementem 45 kilora a 170 centis magassagommal. Kb egy evig nagyon borzaszto volt az etrendem: reggel kave, utana egy alma, delben egy fel karej kenyerbol csinaltam magamnak szendvicset, aztan megint kave, delutan meg napraforgo magot ettem. Jobb napokon 46-47 kilora is felment a sulyom, de meg igy is kovernek lattam magam.
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When I was about 14-15, I got sick during the summer and I decided that because my appetite has been really bad anyway, I will only eat as much as I need to stay alive. And BUMM, after 2 weeks I lost 10 kilograms (about 20 pounds), and reached 45 kilograms of body weight with a height of 170 centimeters. For almost a year, I ate really few and unhealthy: coffe for breakfast, then an apple, half a piece of a bread as a sandwich for lunch, then coffee again and sunflower seeds for the afternoon. On better days my weight went up to as much as 46-47 kilos, but in the mirror I still saw an overweight girl.
Miutan megismerkedtem az elso igazi baratommal, kezdett rendbe jonni az onkepem, ugyhogy evekig konstans 50-53 kilo voltam, ami valoszinuleg azert, mert idosebb lettem, azota felkuszott 61-re. Valamit azert megtanultam ez alatt az ido alatt: lehet, hogy vekonyabb leszel attol, ha nem eszel, de a sovanysag nem fog boldogga tenni. Sokkal tobbet voltam beteg vitaminhiany miatt, legyengult az immunrendszerem, es tesi oran sem tudtam semmit felmutatni. Termeszetesen mindig ellenkeztem, mikor valaki meggyanusitott azzal, hogy megtagadom magamtol az etelt, pedig utolag visszagondolva ez volt az igazsag.
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After meeting my first boyfriend, my self confidence started to get better, so for years i weighed a constant 50-53 kilograms, but probably because I am older now, I weigh 61 kilos. There is something though that I learnt during this time: maybe you will be skinnier from not eating, but being a body of bones won't help you with becoming happy. I was sick a lot more from not getting enough vitamins, my immune system was weak and I sucked during PE classes. Of course I always denied when someone asked if I was keeping food away from myself, but now that I think about it, that is the sad truth.
De higyjetek el nekem, az anorexia, bulimia meg egyeb marhasagok sosem fogjak megjavitani az onbecsuleseteket. Azt csakis sajat magatok tehetitek meg. Biztos ti is hallottatok mar, hogy 'hogyan varhatnad el, hogy elfogadjanak masok, ha magad sem tudod elfogadni?'. Minden egyes evvel egyre es egyre jobban tudom, hogy ez tenyleg igy van: minel magabiztosabb az ember, annal tobben akarnak vele ismerkedni, hogy kapjanak egy kis fenynyalabot az illeto pozitiv kisugarzasabol. Es igen, nehez elfogadni, mikor valaki kritizalja a kulso adottsagaidat akar akaratosan, akar csak meggondolatlansagbol. Nem mondom azt, hogy ne vedd eszre, mert az lehetetlen: az ember hajlamos a rossz dolgokat tovabb orizgetni, mint a jot. Amit viszont megtehetsz, az az, hogy leszarod: jusson eszedbe, mikor megfordulnak vagy utanad futyulnek az utcan ( ami termeszetesen sokszor a helyszinen irritalo, de azert a bok az bok), vagy mikor megdicsernek, hogy milyen jol nezel ki ma, vagy milyen jo a hajad, mikor a szerelmed magahoz olel es azt mondja, szerinte te vagy a leggyonyorubb no a vilagon, vagy ahogy a nagyszuleid vagy a szuleid dicsekednek a tablokepeddel. Amugyis, miert hagynad, hogy valaki rontson az onkepeden, mikor altalaban ezt azok az emberek teszik, akik nem allnak kozel hozzad, csak olyan tipusu a szemelyiseguk, hogy a masnak megjegyzett negativ kritikajuk fogja a sajat lelki sebeiket begyogyitani... Essen meg rajtuk a szived, mert igazan szomoru, hogy ez az egyetlen tamaszuk van az eletben.
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Believe me, anorexia, bulemia and all the bullshit like those will never help you to feel better about yourself. Only You can do that for yourself. I'm sure you've heard ' how could you expect someone to accept you, when you can't even accept yourself?' . Every year I realize it more and more how true it is: the more confidence you have, the more people want to talk to you, because everybody likes to get a ray of light of the positive energy of a person. And yes, it's hard to accept, when somebody criticizes you looks intentionally or unintentionally. I don't say that you shouldn't notice it, because that's impossible: it's a lot harder to remember bad experiences than the good ones. Although there is something you can do: don't give a shit: remember, when people whistle after you on the street, or when somebody tells you how pretty you are, or how awesome your hair looks, or when your love holds you to him and tells you you're the most beautiful woman for him in the whole world, or when your grandparents and parents are bragging with your graduation photo. Why would you, anyways, let someone destroy the way you see yourself, when usually those people are not even close to you, they just have the kind of personality that the negative comments they make on somebody else are the 'big help' for them to heal the wounds of their souls... Feel sorry for them, cause it is really sad, that that is the only thing they can hang on to in life.
Fogadjatok meg a tanacsom: szarjatok le. De tenyleg. Ti tudjatok, hogy akartok kinezni, mik akartok lenni, hogyan akarjatok elni az eleteteket: ha fogyni akarsz, edzz, ha azt akarod, tobben szeressenek, mosolyogj tobbet, ha azt akarod, megtalaljon a szerelem, legyel nyitott az alkalomra, de a legfontosabb: soha ne add fel, mert amit el akarsz erni, azt el lehet. Lepj ki a komfort-zonadbol, torj at minden akadalyon, keresd a kihivast, talald meg azt, aki lenni akarsz!
Egyebkent ma annyira jol nezel ki! <3
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Take my advice: don' give a f*ck. But seriously. You know, what you want to look like, what you want to be, how you want to live your life: if you want to lose weight, work out, if you want more people to like you, smile more, if you want love to find you, be open to it, but most importantly: never give up. because what you want to achieve, you can. Step out of your comfort zone, break all the boundaries, look for challenge, be who you want to be!
BTW, you look gorgeous today! <3
:)
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